i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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