wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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