Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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