I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
