True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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