i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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