dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
