Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
