matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
