All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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