I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
