I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
