you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
