then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
