I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
