I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
