fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
