Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
