do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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