There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sext me about skeletons
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And then he peed in my hair
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