Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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