oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
