Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
