yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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