All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
