so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I smell stomach acid.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
