apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
