I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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