shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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