:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize