Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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