good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
