I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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