Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My life is pants optional.
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