so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
