If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
