The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
