I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
