Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
