??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
