Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
