break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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