I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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