I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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