remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize