he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
