Apparently you make a good broom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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