That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
