SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
