Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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