I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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