Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
