i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
