do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
