Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
