shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
