He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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