ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
