You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
