i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
