either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize