Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my liver is dry heaving
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
