i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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