Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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