I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
