I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
