Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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