Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
