This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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